Cancel culture isn’t just a public phenomenon—it’s creeping into our closest relationships. Here’s how emotional exile and victim blaming damage friendships, and what we can do about it.
Cancel Culture in Friendships: A Growing Concern
Once confined to celebrities and social media influencers, cancel culture has seeped into our personal lives, particularly friendships. In this new dynamic, “canceling” a friend often means cutting off contact due to a perceived wrongdoing—sometimes with little explanation, context, or opportunity for reconciliation.
While self-protection and boundary-setting are essential, cancel culture can blur the line between healthy detachment and emotional exile. I discovered, that some friendships and their surroundings are based on ego and advantages. As soon they’re not available anymore, the friendship or relation is cancelled. It’s a vicious cycle of toxic relations and narcissism.
Research has shown that being “canceled” can cause deep psychological harm. Those on the receiving end may experience shame, anxiety, social isolation and a hesitancy to trust others. What’s more, this approach can short-circuit the possibility of mutual growth, understanding and healing.
The Fine Line Between Boundaries and Exile
Boundaries are vital in all relationships. They protect mental and emotional well-being, help clarify expectations, and ensure that interactions are respectful and healthy. But canceling someone—especially when influenced by social pressure, hearsay or incomplete narratives—can quickly become a form of emotional exile.
This growing trend is often fueled by the cultural mantra “you don’t owe anyone anything.” While empowering in some contexts, it can also erode the foundation of meaningful connections. Ghosting, silent withdrawals, or public shaming under the guise of accountability may feel decisive, but they often dodge the harder work of communication and resolution.
Especially in circles, where drug abuse is a big topic, people get cut off for not being able or willing to play the game. While co-dependency is an element within relationships, it’s also a severe danger for the mental health of the individual. What happens, if the praise and the loyalty of a friend or your partner turns into mobbing and false accusations? And what if, co-dependency has become an element of oppression?
The Hidden Damage of Victim Blaming
When a friend opens up about being hurt or harmed, the last thing they need is to be blamed for their experience. Yet victim blaming happens—often subtly— and mostly in close relationships. It might sound like, “Why didn’t you just leave?” or “Are you sure it happened that way?”
These kinds of responses undermine the victim’s reality and contribute to feelings of shame, confusion and betrayal. They can lead to gas lightning, oppression and in some cases to suicidal thoughts. Even worse, they destroy the self-esteem of individuals, which are often dealing with an already fragile condition, psychological issues or the lack of perspectives.
Psychological studies point to cognitive biases like the just-world hypothesis—the belief that people get what they deserve—as a root cause of victim blaming. This bias allows people to feel safer in a chaotic world, but it often comes at the cost of empathy and support for those who’ve been harmed. The bullied ones becomes the bully–sometimes without noticing– because of fighting back or responding to defamation and false accusation.
When friends respond with blame rather than belief, trust is fractured, and the victim may feel doubly wounded—not just by the original harm but also by the betrayal of someone they thought was a safe guard or friend.
Emotional Literacy: The Path to Healing
True friendship requires emotional intelligence: the courage to listen without judgment, the humility to own one’s mistakes, and the discernment to know when to repair or let go. Rather than defaulting to cancellation, emotionally literate friendships prioritize dialogue, vulnerability, empathy and understanding.
One promising alternative is restorative justice, an approach focused on healing rather than punishment. It invites those involved to reflect on the harm caused, take responsibility, and collaboratively seek resolution. This framework doesn’t minimize pain; instead, it creates space for accountability and empathy—two things sorely missing in many fractured friendships.
However in many cases the blame burdens the victim. Without being heard or understood, the consequences can become quite heavy and one sided. If the surrounding does not react or reflect on their own behaviour, the lack of empathy does not relay on the victim alone.
Choosing Connection Over Cancellation
Cancel culture and victim blaming in friendships reveal a deeper need in our personal lives: the need for emotional awareness, communication and compassion. While it’s important to walk away from truly harmful relationships, many friendships are worth the effort it takes to engage, repair and grow.
If we can resist the temptation to cancel and instead lean into discomfort with curiosity and care, we might rediscover what friendships are really about—not perfection, but presence.
Footnotes:
- Premier Science Journal – “Cancel Culture and Its Psychological Impact”
- https://premierscience.com/pjp-24-686 (Discusses the emotional and social effects of cancel culture, including anxiety and isolation.)
- Business Insider – “People love canceling plans—but it’s harming friendships and mental health”
- https://www.businessinsider.com/people-love-to-cancel-plans-friends-bad-health-society-economy-2025-3 (Examines how avoidance behavior and canceling social plans impact relationships and emotional well-being.)
- Verywell Mind – “Why Do People Blame the Victim?”
- https://www.verywellmind.com/why-do-people-blame-the-victim-2795911 (Explores the psychological roots of victim blaming, including the just-world hypothesis and cognitive dissonance.)
- RSIS International – “Students’ Perceptions of Cancel Culture: Reflections on Public Opinion, Attribution Theory, and Restorative Justice”
- https://rsisinternational.org/journals/ijriss/articles/selected-students-perceptions-and-attitudes-on-cancel-culture-reflections-on-public-opinion-attribution-theory-compassionate-education-and-restorative-justice (Provides insight into alternative frameworks like restorative justice for addressing harm and conflict.)
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