I always saw sex as something of body and mind, a symbiosis with a connection of two people in a deep or sometimes a weak moment. Having this weak moments, I wanted to forget it or move on and change. Other times these hook-ups was so deeply intimate and almost addictive, that I fell hard. I also enjoyed sex, as something dangerous and dirty, but as my personal fear of HIV even on prep still remains, I was always paranoid afterwards.
Honestly, I get this phantasy of coming to Berlin, freaking out, having random sex or various, slightly questionable orgies. But what I fear the most, is not losing control over myself, but risking my health. This is a value, my chosen mom told me to watch after, since I survived two car crashes. Technically ignoring this kind of #selfcare for many years, the responsibility I found towards myself through others, led me to take actions and carry the weight, for what I put or get put, into my temple.